By Cara Bertozzi
In many ways, Kryste Buoniconti has a story that is typical of many military spouses. She followed her soldier husband from Colordao, where they met, to Fort Bragg, N.C., as a newlywed to Fort Rucker, Ala., back to Fort Bragg and on to Fort Irwin, Calif., before relocating to local Joint Base Lewis-McChord (JBLM), here in Washington. She negotiated these moves while advancing her career as an insurance agent, birthing and juggling the schedules of three children, and managing three year-long deployments.
However, on December 12, 2011, she became part of a distinctive community within the military when she received news that her husband, Chief Warrant Officer 3 Frank Buoniconti, had been tragically killed in a helicopter crash on base, along with three other pilots. In the weeks and months that followed, Kryste grappled with her new reality while seeking to help her children not only cope but also remember Frank and find strength in his spirit. Out of these needs and the desire to not focus solely inward on her own pain, the non-profit Live Your Love Loud (LYLL) was founded.
On closer inspection, it is obvious that there was never anything ordinary about Frank and Kryste and their heart for displaced children. Ever since watching a documentary on Romanian orphanages in high school, Kryste had given serious consideration to adoption as a way to share love and be welcoming to children trapped in heart-wrenching circumstances. Frank shared her passion, and they began to discuss adopting an HIV-positive child who would face an additional barrier to finding an adoptive family. Kryste’s father had passed away from AIDS when she was in high school, giving her first-hand experience with the stigma associated with the disease and confidence in her ability to safely care for an HIV-positive child.
Military families face additional challenges when adopting, due to their regular inter-state moves, deployments, and a lack of resources to help negotiate these challenges. Kryste, a self-proclaimed information hound, began using her free time to get into the weeds and learn everything there was to know about ethical adoption. She and Frank were poised to adopt a child with special needs from Vietnam when the country closed to foreign adoptions. At the same time, Kryste discovered she was expecting their third child.
Frank left for a 13-month deployment to Afghanistan just as their youngest child reached five months. Kryste thrived in her role as mom and, with the experience gained by handling three children on her own for an extended period, still felt there was room in her heart and home for more children. Frank and Kryste talked a lot about what they could specifically offer to children who are less likely to be matched with adoptive families. They settled on aiming to adopt an Ethiopian sibling pair who were HIV-positive.
Frank and Kryste had imagined expanding their family internationally for so long that they were taken by surprise when they were approached to take an HIV+ toddler, Hunter, who had been born in South Carolina. It was known that he had multiple other health issues as well, but the family, who was now based in California, decide to stretch themselves and say yes. When it became apparent that Hunter’s medical needs, which included services for cerebral palsy and autism, were higher than what could be supported at Fort Irwin, Frank received a transfer to JBLM, where Madigan Hospital, a tertiary medical care center, serves a large population of active duty families and retirees. The family worked on getting settled in their new home together and learning to care for Hunter.
Eleven days after Hunter’s adoption was finalized, Kryste opened her door to the casualty notification team. Her world came crashing down as everything changed in an instant. Though it broke her heart, Kryste would decide to rehome Hunter with a loving family in Florida, a decision that was best for Hunter and for Kryste and her other three children as they dealt with the trauma of losing their beloved husband and father. The two families remain in close touch, and Hunter’s new home is well suited for his care.
Unexpectedly, money began to pour in to help Kryste with the costs of Hunter’s adoption, and she realized that though her own dream of being an adoptive mother had gone up in smoke, she now had a powerful, functional platform to both fundraise on behalf of her passion and to educate and support other military families in the challenges and triumphs of providing a family for children in need.
Frank was a generous friend and family man with a huge heart; he always taught his children to be kind to everyone they met. What better way to honor his legacy than to support other families in fulfilling his dream of adoption? As Kryste began to heal, she found purpose in keeping Frank’s memory alive in a useful, positive way by distributing adoption grants to other military families in need of financial support. The grants are $1,600 each, and the funds can be used to cover adoption fees, travel fees, and other costs of bringing the children home. Live Your Love Loud also provides grants to families who have already brought children home and are struggling to repay associated incurred debts.
Since its inception, LYLL has raised $22,000 and funded 14 grants to adoptive families welcoming 17 children from four different countries and the US; 10 of the sponsored children have special needs. Kryste thinks of these children, in addition to their own, as Frank’s living legacies. Further, her non-profit work, which also includes outreach to homeless and foster children, has provided ample material for passing on lessons to her children about caring for the vulnerable. Frank’s family also finds great comfort in knowing that his life is still inspiring people in his community and around the world.
Five families are currently waiting for adoption grants. Click here if you’d like to help raise the $8,000 needed to cover these applications.
All photos are courtesy of Kryste Buoniconti.
